Have you met my son Ian? If not, please treat yourself to the picture I posted via Facebook on 9/18 of him with his very first ever set of graded assignments. He’s real cute. But he is also shortening my lifespan right now. We are currently in a season where his emotional state is more precious than a 6th grade girl’s. If you don’t know any of those, then trust me because I have one, and this morning we may or may not have cried (not a single tear, but a throw your head back wailing kind of cry) because we got syrup on our shorts. Life is emotionally fragile for me at the moment with all delicate temperaments in our household. Back to Ian. Every other day is a bad day for him. We are crying when we don’t get our way, yelling at teachers, losing it when we have to redo our messy spelling work. Heaven forbid there is one mistake on a paper because that paper will either be erased until the paper itself no longer exists or torn into a million pieces.

Every day I sit and wait for the phone call, the conduct folder, or just his honesty that will tell me how school was so I can then decide our course of action. It’s miserable for all of us. Every effort and adjustment we have made has fallen short, and honestly at 9:00 when all of the kids are in bed I must too go to mine and cry because I want nothing more to fix this for Ian and I cannot.

My CG meets on Thursdays (if you don’t have one, seriously get one. It has changed my life) and we talked about the area we most feel out of control. I could hear Ian playing in his bedroom as I confessed that he is my area. If I could just figure out what to do then this would all be better right? Thankfully my CG is honest (too honest sometimes but I still love them) and they remind me that while I feel that way, that no, it’s not quite how this works. While I am crying and stressing and worrying about the situation, I am in fact adding nothing of value to my life or to Ian’s. Which is depressing because I am putting a lot of energy into the stressing and worrying.

Look at what Jesus says in Luke 12, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life… And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?.. O you of little faith!.. [And] your Father knows [what you need]. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”

I feel sucker punched by reading this. Of course I have to keep working for Ian. I am his biggest fan and hardest working advocate. However, rather than adding to our lives in a positive way I am bringing stress and anxiety and Lord knows we do not need more of that. And here is the real problem, Jesus said it clearly, “O you of little faith.”

Honestly, I am sitting here (metaphorically of course) holding on to Ian with two tightly closed fists because I need to be in control of this situation. All the while the God who created THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND SET ALL THINGS INTO MOTION is patiently waiting to remind that if I will open my hands, and not a little bit but all the way, then he will guide Ian and both to a resolution. “[And] your Father knows [what you need]. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”