Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for the opportunity to get on my soapbox and share with you something that I am very passionate (and right) about. Let me start by… Hey, what’s this? What’s this in my soapbox? Apparently, it’s soap. Funny, I never stopped to think about what was in my box before. Let me see here, the wrapper says Salvation Soap: Guaranteed to Cleanse. There are some Bible verses on it, too. (That’s great! Bible verses come in really handy when I’m on my soapbox.) Here’s the first one:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
— Genesis 1:27

Excellent! Just what I need to make my point. (Some people have the wrong idea about what males and females are these days, so I can use this verse to set ’em straight.)

Oh, and here’s another verse:

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
— Psalm 139:14

Fearfully made… Yep, I think the fear of God is just what some folks around here need! Now, if I can get back on my… Wait, what’s this? Another verse? This one says:

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
— Colossians 4:6

Okay, I guess that’s a good idea. Looks like there’s another one too:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
— Ephesians 4:29

Reckon that means building up my case? Uh, probably not. Another verse? (Man, this thing’s covered in ‘em!)

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.
— 1 Peter 3:15–16

Wait a second, you mean that when people start comin’ up with all these crazy ideas about how things ought to be, and they start whooping and hollering, I’m not s’posed to holler back? No? Gentleness and respect, huh? Wel, let’s check out the last verse:

But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. — 1 Peter 2:20–23

Wow, that’s a pretty tall order. You mean I’m supposed to treat others the way Christ did? Even when their opinions and attitudes are downright wrong? (You think this applies to social media?)

Wait, there’s something else on the back: directions. (Guess I shoulda looked at them first.) They say, “Apply soap liberally to entire body and soul. Once is enough, though daily use is recommended. In addition, apply verses regularly for best results. Noticeable improvements should appear immediately, though the full effects will take a lifetime.”

Hmmm, this sounds like powerful stuff. Maybe I’ll take a bar home with me and take a closer look. Yeah, I have to admit, I am starting to stink a little bit. Maybe a bar of this’ll do me some good.

Hey, could you hold my soapbox?