Every time I worship God through song, I let myself go there. I do my best to put myself in the song, to find a way to relate to it. I do this because it is so easy for me to forget all God has done in my life. It is so easy to forget the miracles he has done in my own life, much less the ones I’ve seen in others around me. When I forget, I begin to doubt and lose sight of who is on my side. I forget that if he calls me to something, or out onto the waves like he did with Peter, he will see it through perfectly.
Right before I stepped into my new role on staff at c|Life, my family and I moved out to a little farm. Other than being far outside of town, we love everything about it. We had space, couldn’t see our neighbors, had chickens, could shoot guns, had a guest house for friends and family, and the cutest little farm house. We landed our forever home. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with my daughter Kate, I felt a strong urge to stop working. This feeling was so foreign to me. I loved working at c|Life, felt confident in my role, and ultimately felt safe. I was worried of getting cabin fever, with a 2-year old and soon arriving infant. I didn’t have friends or family out there and was moving to an unknown place.
The first six months of my daughters life were bliss. We loved being on the farm. We were outside all day with all the shade and privacy we had, and we got the sweetest undivided family time! It was so needed. Joe and I got to actually hang out together instead of being like two ships passing in the night with our job schedules. Joe got to spend undivided time with James while I hung out with our newborn, Kate. Then I got thrown a curveball. It seemed very similar to Peter’s story (except I wasn’t in a boat, and Jesus wasn’t walking on the water towards me). I was comfortable, like Peter was in the boat. But then I saw opportunity. Opportunity to do something spectacular, a miracle, with the Lord’s power. An opportunity to experience something that I felt all of my life leading up to. It really seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime, too-good-to-be-true opportunity. (I kind of thought I was being Punk’d). So, even with this miracle on the horizon, with this beautiful opportunity right outside of my comfort place, I still feared stepping out of my boat.
It has been less than a year since I stepped out of my boat and let me tell you, the waves can be daunting. The waves that surround me at times are always fear and doubt, but over time they manifest themselves in different ways. This is how crafty the enemy is. This is why we have to constantly remind ourselves of what God has done — that he is the miracle maker! We have to remember that if he is for us, who can be against? We have to remember that, if we are Christians, he pulled us up out of the pit of condemnation while we were his enemies! Now that is a miracle! This is the God we serve. And when the waves get too big, when we don’t feel confident to walk on water anymore, we call out to him as Peter did! He will deliver on his promises. He will provide a way.
I want to encourage you to find a way to always remind yourself. Let it be on Sundays during worship. Let it be during your prayer time. Thank him for who he is and how undeserving you are. Thank him for never leaving nor forsaking us. Thank him for showing you grace when you least deserved it. Don’t be afraid to get overwhelmed when you thank him, because the reality is, it truly is overwhelming.
I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
— Psalm 40:1–5